Will Work For Swedish Meatballs

I just assembled some Ikea furniture for my neighbor. Actually, I disassembled everything that her husband and the Super assembled, and then I reassembled it... the right way. Amazingly, when I did it, it didn't look anything like a cross between the Leaning Tower of Pisa and a stack of cards on the verge of collapse.

What is it about people and Ikea? I know there are people who don't like Ikea and claim that the quality of their products is poor, but that's never been my experience. I mean of course there's sturdier furniture out there, and furniture that's more aesthetically pleasing to some people, but for basic simple bookcases and cabinets, Ikea is pretty darned good in my book.

And the instructions? Why can't people follow Ikea instructions? I know part of the reason is because some people (*cough* the-Super-and-my-neighbor's-husband *cough*) would never dream of looking at an instruction manual for anything, but really what is the problem? It's pictures! There's no language barrier excuse here. All you have to do is follow the pictures!

Now, I know there are people who even have trouble following pictures, because they don't have the kind of thought process that distinguishes between "a plank of wood with six holes" and "a plank of wood with 5 holes." Seriously, there are people who miss details like that, even when they're trying really hard to concentrate. But you know what? Those people should CALL SOMEONE and say "Hi, I suck at this. Can you come over please?" Because really what's worse? Admitting that you can't follow pictures, or having two cabinets fall on your head?

If you could have seen the job these guys did... there was packaging everywhere, gaps between the sides and the backs of the cabinets they assembled, screws in the wrong places... and all the while my neighbor and her friend are going on and on and on about how Ikea makes poor quality furniture, and they're returning it, and there must be pieces missing, and it's flimsy and unstable, and you get what you pay for, and blah blah blah blah... when really, I would agree with the last two points, but only insofar as they apply to THE PEOPLE WHO ASSEMBLED THE FURNITURE!

Meanwhile, the whole time I was re-assembling it, they (the women!) who were all worked up and stressed out by this point, were leaning over me and yelling at telling me to put this there or that there, or "look there's extra screws, we can use these instead," and "the instructions are wrong," and "here are the extra screws. Did you see these? You should use these! Here!" And I kept telling them, "I'm just going to try it this way first, and then I can try what you're saying. But first I'm going to try this." (Where "this" would be "WHAT THE INSTRUCTIONS SAID.")

Needless to say, my neighbor now has two very sturdy cabinets, with doors, handles, and shelves, and she is extremely happy with them and thinks they're the best things on earth.

And me? I have two new bags of Ikea meatballs.