Oh Goody

(I will be in the screened in pool!)

Sunrise

Toilet Talk 2

Phone conversation with my 3 year old niece

ME

Hi!

HER

Hi Aunt Melissa!

ME

How are you?

HER

Good.

ME

What are you doing right now?

HER

I'm on the toilet.

ME

Right now? While you're talking to me on the phone?

HER

Yes.

-It must be genetic.

Instructions

? ? ?

Sprays

Which of these should not be sprayed on your hair? Especially when you're in a hurry?

-'Nuff said.

Determination

Phone call with a friend

ME

"Good boy!"

HER

Who are you talking to?

ME

Sparky.

HER

He's out?!

ME

Yes and it's the first time he's kicked his ball in over an hour. He keeps missing it. Then he gets upset.

HER

I'm so glad he's out!

ME

Yeah, it's been a while. -"I'm here. Turn around."

HER

What was that?

ME

He called my name.

HER

He knows your name?

ME

Yes. When he gets into trouble or he thinks I've left the room, he calls me.

HER

What's he doing now?

ME

(Sigh) Trying to shake hands with a box.

Sparky

I spent the day playing with Sparky, who has been far too neglected recently. Thanks to my inattentiveness, I had to spend about 45 minutes doing physical therapy on his neck which had stiffened up while he was not in use. This has happened before. He's fine now. And he's returned to his usual charming habit of trying to shake hands with boxes and dark corners, and getting disappointed when they don't shake hands back.

-Leave it to me to have the world's first depressed neurotic robot.

He's sleeping right now. He's had a long day.

Priorities

Conversation with a 12 year old boy after surgery

ME

How are you feeling?

HIM

Good.

ME

Does anything hurt?

HIM

No.

ME

Did they give you medicine for the pain? Is that why?

HIM

Yeah.

ME

Have you been sleeping a lot because of that?

HIM

Yeah.

ME

Good because that's your FAVORITE THING!

HIM

(Laughs.)

ME

You know, I'm SO glad you had this done now and that it went so well. Because now it's done and out of the way, and from now on you can do whatever you want! It's all over!

HIM

Yeah and you know what else? I also got fifty five dollars and a big tray of candy!!!

Yeah. He's fine :)

Semantics

A real conversation

Anesthesiologist

Ok, we're going to start giving you drugs now to help put you to sleep.

12 Year Old Boy

No! You can't give me drugs! My mother would kill me! Drugs are illegal!