Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Meme #7: Breast Cakes

Two weeks ago, I was tagged with my first meme: "Share 7 random and/or weird things about yourself." This is a further explanation of #7 on my list.

I once made a cake in the shape of two large breasts. (Also my friend's suggestion.)

I had a boss once who was very excited about her new boob job. She LOVED her new breasts. She was so proud of them that she wanted to show them off to everybody and routinely flashed people in the office. Every employee, every client, anybody who walked in the door. "Wanna see my new boobs!" -and up went the shirt!

For her birthday, I decided to make her a cake in the shape of two large breasts. I hoped this would not get me fired. I thought she would probably love the cake but this was my boss, and there was a slight chance that she might be offended by it. Still, I really thought this was unlikely from the woman who was flashing everybody.

I used metal mixing bowls for the cake molds and experimented with food coloring to get just the right flesh tone for the icing. Then came the nipples. These were the biggest challenge. If the nipples didn't look right, nobody would know what the cake was, and I was very clear in my mind that if I did this, I wanted it to be done right. I didn't want anyone thinking "Is that..? Nah.... couldn't be..." or "What are those? Hubcaps?"

In short, I totally obsessed over the nipples. Mixing the right shade of mauve/maroon/pink, getting the right shape... Unfortunately, the more I played with the nipples the softer they got so I had to keep putting my nipples in the freezer to harden. (No, there is no way to make that sound better! It didn't even sound right back then!) At one point I was so focused on getting the nipples right that I almost put them on a plate and walked next door to a neighbor to ask "Excuse me, do these look like nipples to you?" (Picture that scene for a moment, will you? -I'm so glad I came to my senses before I got out the door!)

The end result? Perfect. My boss squealed! She loved it! She went absolutely and totally berserk over the cake. Loved it, loved me, loved everything, told everybody! In fact, I think we may have even shot a photo of it for the magazine. I wonder what ever happened to that issue...

 

8 Comments:

Nora Bee said...

You are bold! That's great. If only you had a photo...

MP said...

I can imagine the 8 million hits you are going to get when people google search. LOL

So she would flash people 100% of her new boobs or just the clevage? OMG I can't image even if my boobs looked glorious!!

Vanessa said...

I'm laughing so hard, so loud the dogs woke up and are looking at me like "what's up?" The image of that is too funny. I'm with Nora up there, pictures?

Melissa said...

Nora: Bold... yes, but it was a small celebration with about 8 of us. I wish I had pictures. I'm not sure why I didn't take any. I didn't own a digital camera then, so maybe I was out of film.

MP: I debated coding the post so certain words wouldn't show up in search engines, but then I thought "what if someone who's read this blog wants to find this post someday? It wouldn't show up in their search either." So... yeah. We'll see what happens! :oO

As for "the flash?" -Cleavage? Oh no. This was a complete lifting up of the shirt!

Vanessa: Picturing you laughing made me laugh! I'm sorry I don't have pictures. (See my reply to Nora). If I ever make another one, I'll be sure to get some shots!

Rebecca said...

OK. My birthday is in June. Is that enough time to get the nipples right??? ;-) (I like dark chocolate, but for the sake of my skin tone I'll be happy to settle for cream cheese frosting. Actually, that would be awesome with dark choc cake...)

I *wish* my neighbors were interesting enough to come over with questions like "do these look like ______ to you?" Can you imagine the phone conversations they would have had just after you left?? "Madge. It's That Girl again. You'd better sit down for THIS one." lol!!! What delight, joyful agitation, and industry you would bring to the gossipiest, if only you gave in to that urge to ask for approval! Of course, I'm only imagining that your neighbor is the same woman who lived next to the Stevenses of "Bewitched". You may have very open-minded neighbors, in which case it wouldn't have been as interesting.

Melissa said...

Rebecca: Remind me ;)

Now that I think of it, I would laugh out loud if a neighbor came to MY door and asked me that! But I don't think my neighbors back then would have found it amusing. One was an anti social old man, and the next apartment over had a gay male couple. Not a "fun" gay couple, but a "take themselves a bit too seriously" couple. I think I made the right choice in keeping my nipples to myself! ;)

(Hee hee... Gladys Kravitz! )

tam said...

you are brave, funny, but brave!

Melissa said...

Lol! Thank you tam! :) And thanks for stopping by!