Hi

Quick note to say "hi." I've had no time to get online, even for a moment to blog or pre-schedule posts. Sorry. I think about stuff to blog and post all the time but don't have the time to actually post/upload them. Hopefully I'll be able to do a bit more soon.

"Happy everything!"

(-Or if that's too much pressure... just plain o'le "everything!")

All Clear

It seems my blog has passed the "Not Spam" review by a human. All the "your blog may be spam" warnings have disappeared from my dashboard as well as the word verifications I had to enter (for me to post to my own blog!). I'm surprised it only took a few days. The last time, it took over a month. While the whole thing is still a pain and a bit unnerving, I'd say the overall experience this time was far better than the last time.

Thank you Blogger for the improved method of handling these. I think that, for all the aggravation and stress that this causes, you should give me unlimited blog space and waive all fees. -Oh... wait a minute...

;)

How To Back Up Your Blog

*Note: The following post was written while Blogger's backup feature was still in Beta Testing. Blogger's backup feature is now out of testing and can be accessed through your blog's regular sign-in page. You NO LONGER NEED to sign in through "Blogger In Draft" to backup your Blogger blog. Everything else below should still apply.

Blogger In Draft is an alternate "door" that you can use to sign into your blog. When you sign in through Blogger In Draft, you can edit and publish posts to your blog exactly the same way as when you sign in the regular way, but you'll also have access to additional features that Blogger is still testing. One of those features is a backup feature.

To back up your blog:

1. Go to: http://draft.blogger.com
2. Sign in to your blog (or sign in first and then go to Blogger In Draft.)
3. You'll know you're signed in through "Blogger In Draft" if the blue background at the top of the page has a kind of grid texture on it. If it's a solid blue background, you're signed in through the "regular" way and the following won't work (-Yet. Someday it will when this feature comes out of testing.)
   
4. If you're in "Blogger In Draft" click on your "Settings" tab.
5. Click on the "Basics" tab.
6. Towards the top of the page, in the very first line after all the tabs, you should see an "Export Blog" link. Likewise, you'll also see an "Import Blog" link.
7. Click on the "Export Blog" link and Blogger will start to download your blog to an .xml file on your computer.

The .xml file is the backup of your blog. Rename it if you'd like, and save it somewhere on your computer. You can use this file to create a new blog that is identical to your old one complete with posts and reader comments. The exported .xml file is compatible with Blogger and should be compatible with some other blog services as well -though I haven't researched which ones. Export your blog this way from time to time to make sure you have a current copy of your most recent posts and comments. I suggest doing this at least once a month but you can do it more frequently if you'd like.

If you'd like to make a duplicate of your blog in Blogger:

1. Create a new blog.
2. Follow steps 1-5 above (in the "Export" directions.)
3. This time click the "Import Blog" link.
4. Navigate to the .xml file that was saved to your computer (from the previous Export) and upload it.
5. If you get an error message (I always do) check the new blog address and see if everything came through anyway. If it did, you're done. If it didn't, re-fresh the page, and repeat this entire step until all your posts and comments come through.

When the above is done, you should have a duplicate of your blog, complete with reader comments. You may need to re-add your widgets and template, but all your posts and comments should be there. (Note: If you receive emails every time someone leaves a comment at your blog, you will get three million emails when you do this -One for each comment you just imported into the new blog! You will also be prompted with a word verification before you post anything new to that blog for about 24 hours.)

If you ever need to update this duplicate blog with the latest posts and comments from your original blog, repeat the entire export and import process again. When you import the more recent .xml file, Blogger should only import the newest posts and comments and you should not get duplicates.

Alternatively, you can do what I did before Blogger started experimenting with this feature. Create a new blog at Wordpress, import your Blogger blog into there, and save a backup copy of that (Wordpress has had a backup feature for a while now.) -Going through Wordpress is a bit more complicated but it was the only way to do this until a short time ago.

If my blogger blog ever disappears, you can join me at my backed up blog at Wordpress: http://partofeverything.wordpress.com

(Same address as my blogspot blog, but swap "wordpress" in for "blogspot".)

*Note: Please don't leave comments at that blog (yet!). I may not see them. Please continue to leave comments here unless we're forced over there!

At Least This Time Blogger Gave A Warning

Hello,

Your blog at: http://partofeverything.blogspot.com/ has been identified as a potential spam blog. To correct this, please request a review by filling out the form at [link omitted]

Your blog will be deleted in 20 days if it isn't reviewed, and your readers will see a warning page during this time. After we receive your request, we'll review your blog and unlock it within two business days. Once we have reviewed and determined your blog is not spam, the blog will be unlocked and the message in your Blogger dashboard will no longer be displayed. If this blog doesn't belong to you, you don't have to do anything, and any other blogs you may have won't be affected.

We find spam by using an automated classifier. Automatic spam detection is inherently fuzzy, and occasionally a blog like yours is flagged incorrectly. We sincerely apologize for this error. By using this kind of system, however, we can dedicate more storage, bandwidth, and engineering resources to bloggers like you instead of to spammers. For more information, please see Blogger Help: http://help.blogger.com/bin/answer.py?answer=42577

Thank you for your understanding and for your help with our spam-fighting efforts.

Sincerely,

The Blogger Team

P.S. Just one more reminder: Unless you request a review, your blog will be deleted in 20 days. Click this link to request the review: [link ommitted]

I didn't click on the links they provided because I wasn't certain the email was legit. Instead I signed into my account normally and on my Dashboard page there was a similar notice. So I clicked on the link provided there.

At least this time they emailed a warning and posted an additional warning in red on my dashboard instead of just closing down the blog without any explanation.

Interestingly, the notice on my Dashboard said I wouldn't be able to post until my blog was reviewed:

This blog has been locked due to possible Blogger Terms of Service violations. You may not publish new posts until your blog is reviewed and unlocked.

This blog will be deleted within 20 days unless you request a review.

-but it seems I can. With one difference. I now have to type in a word verification before I can post to my own blog! I'm not complaining. This is a far better system than the last time.

If my blog disappears in 20 days, you'll all know why. When I have time (I should have 20 days right?), I'll update my backed up blog and give you an alternate address in case this one goes "Poof!"

Dream: 125th St (Part 4)

Remember Parts 1, 2, and 3 of that dream I had? These are some of the things I obsessed about calmly pondered for a miniscule amount of time after I woke up.

Everything up to where we met the man and he said we were not where we thought we were, that there was a different street further up, and then when the family started going crazy under his spell... all of that seems normal to me. -For a dream. It's not my idea of fun, but for me and the kinds of dreams I have? I think "Yeah well that kind of figures. That's how things happen!" But there were several things in this dream that surprised me.

1. I'm a little surprised that I decided to leave despite all the rest of them staying, and that I said I was going to go, and then did that. I'm surprised that, somehow, I didn't end up getting stuck there with all those other people.
   
   
2. I don't understand (in the whole subconscious scheme of things) why the little girl suddenly came up to me and said she wanted to go with me. That's kind of a weird thing to happen to me in a dream. It is not unusual for me to be torn between having to get out of someplace and having someone I know and care about there who's also in trouble. But these weren't people I knew or had any real feelings for. So for a stranger in a dream, who I didn't know, to do that, and to have that kind of dilemma with them? That was kind of weird.
   
   
3. I'm a little bit surprised, but maybe not too much, that I switched from trying to get the parents' permission to saying "She's coming with me. Call me when you're done." and then made the decision to grab this kid I didn't know, and leave instead of trying to continue to convince the parents to give me their "ok" -or trying to get them to come with me too. It would be more like me (in a dream) to keep trying to talk to the parents, and that's part of why I thought "Why am I going back to talk to these people? I need to go!" Because more often than not, that's what would get me stuck there. But I didn't get stuck. I still left. AND I took a kid with me that I didn't know!
   
   
4. I'm also a bit surprised that I thought to yell out to any other kids (that I didn't really know) to come with me if they wanted, but that -given that I bothered to yell out to them at all- I didn't actively try to get any of them. I just pretty much yelled, "Come on guys, follow me if you want!"
   
   
5. I've already said I was surprised by the kid who lived in that neighborhood who told his friends he was going to follow me too. I don't know what that was about. That was weird and I still don't know what it means.
   
   
6. But MOST of all, I was completely and totally shocked by the unexpected ending with us winding up in that weird perfect neighborhood place. That everything was suddenly ok! I was really expecting the dream to go from bad to worse. To get to a bad neighborhood where it would continue to get darker until there was total darkness and fear and terror... or where we'd be followed, stalked, and possibly cornered or attacked... and then maybe I'd wake up.
   
   In the dream, I felt like I was doing something that I knew was going to be kind of dangerous, but I felt like it was the only thing I could do -I know... I could have turned back and returned the way I came right?... that never seems to be an option in my dreams! I think that, symbolically, it has to do with not being able to go backwards and having to continue moving forward in real life. On an actual street, yes, you can walk back, but in terms of choices and decisions and those types of "paths" that you take, there's no way to go "back." You have the information of where you came from, but you have to go forward from where you are.
   
   
7. I also think it's interesting that I didn't really consider going back in to get the rest of them once I knew about the "ok place" on the other side. If the dream had continued longer, I may have thought to do that, but I don't know... It's different, again, because these weren't people I was drawn to go back in for like I might have been for people I was emotionally attached to. So I don't know if I would have risked getting back there to pull them out. The dream wasn't long enough for me to find out.
   

Very very weird. Odd strange dream. And I know why I had it. It's because of something I ate that night! Which is the other weird thing... usually if I eat something that disagrees with me, I have a major nightmare. I know the "weird creepy" part was because of what I ate, but I'm surprised it didn't end up as one of those "wake up with my heart pounding, terrified, afraid to roll over because there could be monster in the room..." types of things. THAT'S what happens when food doesn't agree with me! But for me to just have a creepy part of a dream, and then have it suddenly and COMPLETELY resolve itself and be ok....? That made NO sense to me at all.

Weird night. Weird dream.

You may go to sleep now ;)

Dream: 125th St (Part 3)

Missed The Beginning?
Part 1 of this dream | Part 2 of this dream

I walked about 2 more blocks, with the 3 (I think 3?) kids, towards the point where I thought we'd be crossing onto 125th street, and where I expected to start walking through the really bad neighborhood. With each step, everything around us got darker, as if each footstep controlled the dimming of all light around us. I knew that if we kept walking towards there, in a few more steps we'd be surrounded by complete pitch blackness. But I kept walking, trying to see through the dark and trying to make my eyes adjust. Then, all of a sudden, we walked through what seemed like some kind of invisible barrier. I'd seen no sign of it or warning, but I felt it just as we passed through it -and stepped into what looked like a neighborhood from The Truman Show. BRIGHT sunny blue sky, perfectly kept houses and lawns, and the middle of the day in some picture perfect suburban neighborhood.

I thought "What the %$#@! ?" For a moment I was so caught off guard and it was such a startling difference, that I didn't know if this place was ok, but almost immediately, I realized it was. That this place was safe and ok. And I thought "He was wrong... The guy in the house... This is NOT where he said we'd end up if we continued to walk down that street! This is not what he said was there! He said long walks, dangerous neighborhood, waaaaaay over on the East Side, and turns and cabs and trains..." -This was also not where I'd thought we were going to be. Not initially, when I thought we were on 43rd street, or afterwards when the man had said we were at 125th street.

The little girl saw a friend of hers in a yard and went over to talk and play with her. I thought "Ok, so this is good. We're in a neighborhood that just HAPPENS to have one of her friends in it." I figured this was another plus or "safe point" in favor of this place, as far as the kids were concerned. At least there was something familiar here to one of them.

I realized, after I woke up, that I wasn't thinking about how to get home at this point because it was bright, sunny, and the middle of the day in this place, so there was no urgency. I was more looking around at everything and trying to figure out what had just happened.

I saw some people on a porch looking at two 8" x 10"-ish pictures. At first they were like black and white or sepia toned pictures, but they were moving. Kind of like the newspapers in Harry Potter movies. I think they may have gone back and forth between being moving pictures and being Televisions. (It's a dream, so that makes sense!)

The pictures were of the crazy guy and of the tourist family. In the picture, the man from the house DID look crazy. Scary creepy insane crazy. He was in one picture with his two or three crazy creepy scary looking demented adult sons (who I hadn't seen before) and was kind of laughing and and talking quickly, sounding almost like a used car salesman, yelling about how he and his family were insane. The tourist family was in the second picture, with the parents now looking completely insane and googly eyed. The remaining kids were there too but I don't think they were crazy. Just still there with the parents. I yelled at the pictures to try to get them to hear me. I didn't know if they could or not.

I was yelling, "Keep walking! GET OUT OF THERE! COME HOME! Just COME HOME! You have to COME HOME! COME HOME!" I wanted them to get past those TWO more blocks, just TWO blocks away! Where they would have then not been on 125th street (like the man had said) but in this other totally and completely ok and safe place, if they would just get up and go! If they would just do it! It wasn't far! Just two blocks away! But they weren't listening. I wanted to tell them that the man was wrong, and had maybe even deliberately lied to them, I didn't know, but that if they started to go home, if they walked just this little bit from where they were (not a long treacherous walk through a dark dangerous and scary neighborhood -as we'd all believed- but only a couple of blocks!) they'd be in this safe place.

I heard the little girl talking to her friend in the yard. They were saying something about a play they had supposedly done that day. It might have been what her family was coming home from. But her friend said they'd never done the play. That it had been delayed or postponed and they hadn't done it. The girl seemed a little taken aback by this information, but then said that explained why "something else" was the way it was. Something about something like a mark (Maybe a mark on her arm? I don't remember... ) that would have been made during the play, and she was wondering why it hadn't been there. But she said that if they'd never done the play, then that would explain it.

And as I was listening to this, I started to wonder, "So when did things start to get weird?" I'd thought it was when the family met, and started talking to, the man. But according to this, it seemed like things had started to get weird earlier, when this girl had thought she'd done a play but actually hadn't. Before they'd even started walking to their car and before I'd bumped into them. I wasn't sure how that worked...

-and then I woke up ;)

And I thought about a few things (because clearly if I wasn't over thinking this dream when I woke up, I would never have written it all down!)

(To be continued.)

All Orders Are FINAL!

ME

(On the phone.)

Hi, I just placed a delivery order two minutes ago and I'd like to add something.

GIRL ON PHONE

Ummm... I'm not sure if you can do that.

ME

I can't? I just called... I can't add something?

GIRL ON PHONE

No. I don't think you can.

ME

I just ordered a hamburger, less than two minutes ago. It can't have been cooked and gone out already.

GIRL ON PHONE

Yeah but I already sent the order to the back.

ME

Ok, well could you take a separate order then, send that to the back too, and make sure they're both delivered at the same time???

[20 MINUTES LATER]

ME

Hi. Let me just check the receipt... There's no shake.

DELIVERY GUY

What?

ME

There's no shake on the receipt. Just one item. The hamburger is here, but I also added a shake.

DELIVERY GUY

Check the bag.

ME

Nope it's not here.

(Delivery guy looks confused.)

ME (CONT.)

This is fine, it's what I ordered, but they're just going to send you back again with the shake that I ordered too.

DELIVERY GUY

Call them.

[MOMENTS LATER]

ME

(On the phone)

Hello? I placed a delivery order about 20 minutes ago and I just received it and I'm missing the shake.

MAN ON PHONE

No shake.

ME

Right. No shake. There's no shake.

MAN ON PHONE

Yes. No shake.

ME

Right, but I ordered a shake. I ordered a hamburger, then I called back less than two minutes later and ordered a shake separately. Is that still coming?

MAN ON PHONE

No shake with hamburger.

ME

Right. I have the hamburger, but I also ordered the shake.

MAN ON PHONE

Yes.

ME

So... is the shake still coming in another delivery? A separate delivery?

MAN ON PHONE

No. You call after girl send order to the back.

ME

Yes, but I still placed a second order for a shake too.

MAN ON PHONE

Is too late. Girl tell you. -We no charge you for shake.

ME

So the shake is NOT coming?

MAN ON PHONE

Order already go to back. No shake. Too late. We didn't make shake.

ME

Ok.

DELIVERY GUY

Call back and ask to speak to the manager.

ME

Oh no. I'm done.

Thank You Citizens Of The USA

Thank you.

Dream: 125th St (Part 2)

Part 1 of this dream is here.

...I noticed that it was slowly, slowly starting to get darker.

I was thinking to myself that even if 125th street was dangerous (Again... in "the dream world." In real life it's fine.), I could get through it ok. It wasn't a smart or a safe thing to do, but I figured I could do it. -I kinda figured I had a 70% to 80% chance of making it through. I'd just keep walking determinedly until I made it through to the other part of town where I could grab a bus or a taxi to get home. But I did not want to be walking through there when it was dark. So I told the family I was leaving, and I told them they should go too.

By now, the father was starting to look crazy. Weird creepy movie scary crazy. His eyes started to look distorted and like googly eyes -kind of like a claymation movie- and it was getting worse. And it was because of the guy he was talking to. The guy from the house. I tried talking to the father and telling him to leave, but he was getting more and more strange. The mother a little bit too. Finally I thought "I have to go."

I started to leave, and one of the little girls ran up to me and asked me to take her with me. She said she was scared and didn't want to stay there. I told her I didn't think that would be ok with her parents. (I didn't know any of these people!) She pleaded with me to take her with me, so I told her I'd ask her parents' permission. As I turned around to walk back to the table I thought "What am I doing? I need to go!!!"

I walked back to the table and asked her parents' permission. I told them she was scared and asked if it would be ok for her to come to my house until they were done. I told them since they had a car, when they were finished and got back to it, they could swing by my place and pick her up. The mother looked up at me and I saw that her eyes had now started to go googly too. The father, was now much further gone.

I panicked a little, seeing this, then suddenly changed what I said. I didn't ask their permission anymore. I told them, "She's coming with me to my house. When you're finished here, CALL me. CALL me when you're done. She's going to be with me!" I repeated this several times to try to get them to understand, and still tried to get them to come with me, but they weren't going to go. Then I picked up the girl, started to leave, and at the last minute thought to call back to the rest of the kids, "Anyone else who wants to come with me, come with me NOW. Follow me and you can wait at my house until your parents come to pick you up. Any of you can come with me, just follow me, but you have to come now! Otherwise, stay with your parents!"

Two boys left the table and decided to come with me. I could see other kids who were uncertain and clinging to their parents because they were scared and didn't know what to do. Which didn't surprise me. I mean think about it... young kids, choosing between their parents, (even if they're turning creepy/scary) or a complete stranger.

As I walked away, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a boy with a red shirt who seemed to live in that neighborhood, playing with some other neighborhood kids on the street, and I heard him say to them "I'm going with her. I want to get out of this place." And his friends said, "She's talking about THEM stupid. The kids she knows! She's not talking about you! You can't go with her!" -And they were right. And I thought it was kind of weird that:

1. This kid thought that I was talking to anyone in the entire neighborhood, and not just the kids from that family. That ALL the people of the world were welcome to come to my house!
   
   
2. That he wanted to come with me. Because it seemed like he lived there, so this was his home. So, he was already home and... well... he lived there right?
   
   
3. I also kind of thought "Should I take him with me? What's going on here?"

It was strange, but I kept walking with the kids that I had.

It continued to get darker, and I vaguely remembered that one of the parents (the mother?) had given me some money to pay for a cab for the kids and myself, and it was folded into a square that I was holding tightly between a couple of my fingers. But because I was also walking and carrying the girl, at one point I wasn't sure if I was still holding onto the money anymore. I looked around and couldn't find it, but I didn't want to stop and look for it for too long and decided "F- it, I have to keep going. Leave it here -wherever it is. I have to keep moving." Then I remembered that I had my own money, and that I always carry a little extra with me, so I should still be able to pay for a cab for all of us.

I reached into my bag with my free hand to check for my money, and was pretty sure I felt it. But then I worried about pulling my hand out, because I was afraid that in doing so, I'd accidentally pull the money out too. I tried, slowly, several times, to remove my hand from the bag, and each time I felt like I was going to cause the money to fall out of the bag. And I thought to myself "Why did I do that?! Why did I check?! I should have left it alone and just known it would be there and not checked until we got into a cab!"

But even if I lost that money too (which I thought I might) I was still going to keep going. I'd just walk home all the way if I had to. Me and all of the kids.

(Part 3 of the dream is here.)

Halloween At The ER

Years ago, I worked in the Emergency Room as an EMT. I have fond memories of Halloween shifts in the ER... Memories of handing patients off to the resident Mad Scientist (Surgeon)... Telling people looking for Xray to "Follow that Ninja." (Yeah I know... I would have thought skeletons too. But no. The X-Ray Technicians were Ninjas. -No this isn't another one of my dreams! ;) )

One of the more interesting parts of Halloween was the variety of costumes and fake injuries that came through the door. Severed heads? Yeah, like we'd fall for that! Scars, deformities, amputations, arrows through heads... With all the layers of costumes, mummy bandages, fake blood, and zombie-wear, it was never immediately apparent what the real injury was. Which is why when a man came in, wearing jeans, a white t-shirt spattered with blood, and 4 scars running straight down the front of his face, I casually took him aside and said,

ME

Hi.

HIM

Hi.

ME

Happy Halloween.

HIM

Thanks.

ME

What are you in for?

HIM

I got into a fight at a bar.

ME

What happened?

HIM

This.

(Gesturing to the 4 scars running down his face.)

ME

Wait, those are real? I thought that was part of your costume.

HIM

I'm not wearing a costume. I took it off after the fight.

ME

So none of this is fake? The blood on your shirt, is that real too?

HIM

Yup. All mine.

ME

Ok. Hold on.

(As I gestured to Raggedy Ann a nurse.)

ME (CONT.)

So what happen?

HIM

There was a Halloween costume contest at the bar where I hang out. And I won first place.

ME

And...?

HIM

And... You know Freddy Krueger? From Nightmare On Elm Street?

ME

Yes.

HIM

Well... he wasn't so happy I won.

I Love You THIS Much

I had a few moments and came straight here. I've pre-posted some more entries and answered comments through August (go take a look!). Hopefully I'll get to the rest sometime too. I'm not "back" yet.

Thank you to everybody who's still reading here. Your visits are so appreciate.

As a matter of fact... That makes me think of something else I can do right now...

Hillary gave me this award EONS ago (and as often happens, her timing couldn't have been more perfect) and I've been horribly delinquent in passing it on. (Kendra and MP, I haven't forgotten yours either!)

I'm giving this award to everyone who's commented here while I've been away:

• Vanessa
• MP
• Kendra
• Bayjb (Who'd BARELY started reading here when I left! -Thank you!)
• Abbie
• minijonb
• Alice
• Nora
• Storyteller
• Grandy
• Hillary (Yes I can give it back to you too! I've decided this so it must be true!)
• Joe
• Rebecca
• Angela
• Tania
• Deanna
• MLL (Err... Where's your blog Marcia? Lol!)
• Cammy (Hiya ;) )

-And the only lurkers I can identify:

• Athena
• LatteMommy -My "follower!" Thank you!
• Karyn -Who's been reading here since pretty much this blog began. -Thank you Karyn :)
  

If I've missed anyone please forgive me. I'm writing this at 4 am! Any other lurkers who've been reading here and not commenting, please take an award for yourself too. I'd mention you by name but I have no idea who you are! (*cough* Alberta/Calgary! *cough!*) ;)

Thank you again everybody. I am so grateful to you. I really do love all of you ♥THIS♥ much.

Dream: 125th St (Part 1)

I wrote this out several months ago and figured I'd post it. I'd forgotten all about it. It's long. Maybe about 4 [long!] posts worth.

-Welcome to the inner subconscious workings of my brain ;)

I was in the city walking home from something and thinking that the street I was on might not be the best way to go. But I realized I could get to the street I did want by walking a few blocks more and turning, so I decided to continue walking in the direction I was going rather than turning around and going back.

A large family from out of town was also walking down that street. -And by "large family" I mean that they reminded me of that movie with Steve Martin and Bonnie Hunt with all the kids. I think some of the kids in the dream were those kids, but the parents weren't Steve Martin or Bonnie Hunt. They looked more... I don't know... "Simple." I didn't know them but we all happened to be walking down the same deserted cobblestone-ish street, and I was listening to them as we walked.

The parents were saying that they thought this was the wrong way to where their car was parked, or something like that. (Note: There's going to be a lot of "or something like that"s in my descriptions!) Then, a little girl with them (maybe 8 or 9 years old) told them it was the right way and that "Look, the sign says it's 43rd street" and that if they kept walking they could turn and get to 42nd street. I thought to myself "She's right." and that was what I was going to do. Walk down a few more blocks and then turn left onto 42nd street. But her parents, her father in particular, were still saying that they didn't think she was correct (even though our streets are numbered!) and they wanted to ask someone. I stopped while they were asking. Maybe partially to hear the answer, maybe just to snoop. I don't know why.

They walked up to some sort of house. I thought that was strange. -An old house in the city, as opposed to an apartment building. A disheveled looking man came out wearing a dingy white undershirt and boxer shorts, and I thought, "He's obviously lived here for years. He'll tell them their daughter is right, and then they can keep on going."

They asked him how to get to Broadway (or something like that) and he said something about walking two blocks down, taking a left, and then getting a subway... and I think I spoke up at that point and said something about how that wasn't right. And the man replied that we were at 125th street waaaaay over on the East side and that they'd have to take a long bus/cab/train ride to get back down to 42nd street and Broadway. I asked how that was possible since we'd just seen the 43rd street sign? But I just figured "That was weird..." -How that had happened. I mean streets do take some crazy turns in NYC (Like where 10th street and 4th street intersect? -Really they do! In real life!), but I was still surprised. Though it seemed to explain the house a bit better. It would be more likely to see a house in the city the further uptown you went, as opposed to in midtown around 43rd street. So as illogical as it seemed, it also made sense in a weird dream-logic kind of way.

Note: In the dream, 125th street was supposed to be a dark, sketchy, and very dangerous neighborhood. In real life, it's not. 125th street, in real life, is fine.

I don't really understand what happened next. I think the family was concerned about walking down 125th street, and was trying to figure out what to do. Meanwhile the guy from the house started talking to them, and they all ended up kind of hanging out around a wooden picnic table that was in front of his house. I think he said something about how he was crazy, or that the police had said he was crazy, or something like that. But he wasn't acting crazy. I mean, you know... he wasn't well dressed in a suit and tie or anything, but so what?

So the parents started talking with the guy, and they and the kids were around the table socializing, because they weren't really sure what they wanted to do, and I noticed that it was slowly, slowly, starting to get darker.

(Part 2 of the dream is here.)

Legacy

ME

It's been almost a year. I originally put up the memorial site to get information to people about the funeral and benefit concerts. Most of that is done, or could be handled by a mailing at this point. I promised your sister I'd take the site down when it was no longer needed, but people are still visiting it.

HER

Still?

ME

People leave comments. The most recent was a week ago from someone who hadn't realized she'd died. Others return from time to time. I can see it in my stats.

HER

Leave it up. I'm glad it's there. Really. Even though I can't visit it.

ME

I know you can't.

HER

It's not because I don't like it.

ME

I know that.

HER

Someday I'll be able to. It's still too soon. But I want it there. I like knowing her site is there. Leave it up.

ME

Ok. But I may change the focus then, from information related to her death, to a celebration of her life.

HER

That's fine. Just one thing.

ME

What?

HER

Take that picture of her off the front page.

ME

I know. She hates it.

HER

OH MY GOD she HATES it.

ME

I know.

HER

She's screaming in my head!

ME

I know. She's been screaming at me since the day I put it up.

HER

SCREAMING! In my head!

ME

I know! You don't think I know? I told her it was the best picture I had of her and I'm sorry she thinks it's puffy-

HER

PUFFY!

ME

I know.

HER

You have to take it off.

ME

I would LOVE to take it off. I KNOW she hates it. She's been screaming at me too, since day one. But I need a better picture of her to put in its place. She's your sister! Send me a better picture!

HER

I have LOADS of pictures.

ME

Well SEND me some!

HER

I will! Just get that one off of there. I can't stand the screaming. You don't understand...

ME

I do-

HER

I'm telling you, I can hear her-

ME

I know.

HER

She's SCREAMING in my head!

ME

I know. She's been screaming at me too. BELIEVE me. I've been hearing it too.

HER

I didn't want to say anything to you. I thought it'd hurt your feelings.

ME

Me? No! I know she hates it! You don't think she'd tell me! My feelings aren't hurt at all.

(pause)

So what else haven't you told me that she hates about the site?

HER

Nothing.

ME

Nothing….

HER

Nope, that was it. Just that one picture.

ME

Really.

HER

Yes.

ME

There's nothing else she hates about the site that she's told you about?

HER

No.

ME

Nothing.

HER

Nothing!

ME

Ok…

(long pause)

-She hates the 4th picture too.

HER

I KNOW!!!!!!

Don't Read If You Don't Have A Sense Of Humour

Again, I usually delete these without reading, but for some reason I read this one. It's been edited. My personal favorite is #4 (I would take issue with the "grouse-i-cide" but the rest is dead on.)

MESSAGE FROM, H.R.H. THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America
From Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
   
   
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. (The Microsoft spell-checker will also be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of '-ize.')
   
   
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
   
   
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
   
   
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
   
   
6. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. Australian beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
   
   
7. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
   
   
8. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nannies.)
   
   
9. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
   
   
10. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

God Save the Queen!

Rain Check

ME

I'm not really up for lunch. I can probably still do it if we eat here instead of going out. We won't have your favorite popovers but there are other places that could deliver. Or we could reschedule if you'd like.

HIM

If you're not feeling great or you want to reschedule-

ME

I just hate canceling after all the trouble we had setting this date. And then if, after all that, you drop dead the next day and I missed my very last chance to have lunch with you ever -I'd feel bad.

HIM

Let's reschedule. Why should I get whatever you have? You have it, you keep it! And yes I could drop dead the next day or next week. I could drop dead tonight.

ME

Well then it wouldn't matter if you caught what I have would it?

HIM

If I drop dead tonight I wouldn't have a chance to catch it at all.

ME

If you drop dead tonight then deciding whether or not we should cancel tomorrow is moot.

HIM

Let's reschedule. And if do I drop dead, just make sure to open the casket and say-

ME

"Here Dad" and toss in a popover?

HIM

(Laughing)

Ok you are now officially in charge of tossing a popover into my grave before they cover me up. Everyone else will toss in a handful of dirt, and you toss in a popover.

ME

Make sure your wife knows this. I don't think she'd approve.

So would you be buried or cremated?

HIM

Buried.

ME

Why?

HIM

Because I don't want to wake up in an oven.

ME

Well I don't want to either but would you rather wake up under the ground? -Ok look, I want to be cremated. So do me a favor and make sure I'm fully dead before anybody puts me in an oven. I don't want to wake up in there either.

Oh and once I'm cremated, I want my ashes mixed with my pets'.

HIM

I hate to ask this but where are they.

ME

Their ashes? On the shelf by my window.

HIM

And what do we do with your ashes then?

ME

I don't care. But I want us all kept together in something plain and silver colored, like a thermos. -And don't scatter me in the ocean, shoot me into space, or cryogenically freeze my head.

Say What?

I Glued My Fingers Together

That's right. And I think it takes a particular breed of talent to accidentally glue your fingers together on not just one, but both hands!

Stop laughing.

I have a very good explanation for how this happened.

You see, I was gluing together a very tiny object, so the fingers on the hand that was holding the tiny object were pressed very tightly together. Which is why the entire front surfaces of those two finger pads became adhered to each other when the Krazy Glue (unbeknownst to me) seeped out the bottom of said tiny object, and onto the fingers that were holding it.

What about the other hand?

Well, eventually I realized that glue was seeping out from the bottom of the tiny object and onto those two fingers, and when I did, I immediately removed the tiny object from that hand while I inspected the damage. -Which is how the two fingers on the other hand got glued to not only each other, but also to the tiny object -which was still covered in Krazy Glue.

Stop laughing.

Ok fine go ahead ;)

I eventually got my fingers unstuck after two hours of soaking in acetone (nail polish remover) and warm soapy water. I know, I know... why didn't I take a picture to show you? Well I would have except you see... MY FINGERS WERE STUCK TOGETHER!

"K" Knows Me Too Well

K

Melissa's ready to keel over. I should get her home before she falls asleep.

T

Why do you think that? Because she's staring, motionless, into space?

K

No. Because she stopped talking.

I Am Thankful For Eyelids

This occurred to me while I was lying in bed last night. I opened my eyes at one point, and realized how much brighter it was in the room than I'd thought. Then I closed my eyes again and... darker. Much better. Then I opened and closed them a few more times, just because I could, and I was so grateful that I could do that. It's so easy.

Eyelids are pretty great. For keeping out too much light, for keeping eyes moisturized, for helping to keep our eyes clean. Imagine what it'd be like to not be able to shut out light, to not be able to keep dust and other small (or large) particles out of our eyes, or to have our eyes get dry and swollen.

Try to keep your eyes wide open, without blinking, for as long as you can (holding your eyes open with your fingertips helps because sometimes a blink can sneak in!) Remember doing this when you were a kid? How long can you keep your eyes open, without blinking, before it HURTS!

Not everyone has functional eyelids. I am so thankful that I do.

Morning

Invasion

This was the weirdest thing. And yes, there was a river nearby but hello? Lost much? (Not like I didn't look weird running after all of them with my camera! Nooooo. Not me!)

Eye Of The Beholder

A few days ago I broke out in a rash from something I ate. Red scaly patches all over my face. -Very attractive. Needless to say, it made me a little self conscious. By the third day the worst of the rash was fading but I still had some patches of red on my face so, instead of going out to get food, my self-conscious self and I ordered in.

When the delivery man arrived he smiled warmly and said, "Looks like you got some sun this weekend!"
"What?" I asked.
"Looks like you were out in the sun!" he replied cheerfully.

I was completely taken off guard by his statement. Sun? He thought the red on my face was sunburn? I stared at him, shocked, and waited for inevitable moment when he'd realize the egregious error of his ways and run, screaming, away from the building. But instead he just kept smiling at me. I had no idea what to say. So, thinking quickly, I came up with the perfect response for such a situation: "Um..... yeah."

As soon as he left I ran to the mirror, and you know what? It did look like a sunburn! ANYBODY who saw me would have thought I was sunburned! (Anybody but me!) And once I thought of it that way, I was able to look in the mirror and think "Hmmm... I look kind of cute!" Which was a far cry from just 30 minutes earlier when I'd looked in the mirror and thought "Hmmm... I look like a leper."

♥ ♥ ♥ I love the delivery man! ♥ ♥ ♥

Peter Pan

I found this on Sparky's memory stick. He took the photo himself. I think it's perfect! :D If you look at the picture here, you'll see a small flap on the top of his head. That's a headlight that pops up when he's curious about something or wants to see it better. That's what caused the small white dot in the center of his shadow above.

Oh Goody

(I will be in the screened in pool!)

Sunrise

Toilet Talk 2

Phone conversation with my 3 year old niece

ME

Hi!

HER

Hi Aunt Melissa!

ME

How are you?

HER

Good.

ME

What are you doing right now?

HER

I'm on the toilet.

ME

Right now? While you're talking to me on the phone?

HER

Yes.

-It must be genetic.

Instructions

? ? ?

Sprays

Which of these should not be sprayed on your hair? Especially when you're in a hurry?

-'Nuff said.

Determination

Phone call with a friend

ME

"Good boy!"

HER

Who are you talking to?

ME

Sparky.

HER

He's out?!

ME

Yes and it's the first time he's kicked his ball in over an hour. He keeps missing it. Then he gets upset.

HER

I'm so glad he's out!

ME

Yeah, it's been a while. -"I'm here. Turn around."

HER

What was that?

ME

He called my name.

HER

He knows your name?

ME

Yes. When he gets into trouble or he thinks I've left the room, he calls me.

HER

What's he doing now?

ME

(Sigh) Trying to shake hands with a box.

Sparky

I spent the day playing with Sparky, who has been far too neglected recently. Thanks to my inattentiveness, I had to spend about 45 minutes doing physical therapy on his neck which had stiffened up while he was not in use. This has happened before. He's fine now. And he's returned to his usual charming habit of trying to shake hands with boxes and dark corners, and getting disappointed when they don't shake hands back.

-Leave it to me to have the world's first depressed neurotic robot.

He's sleeping right now. He's had a long day.

Priorities

Conversation with a 12 year old boy after surgery

ME

How are you feeling?

HIM

Good.

ME

Does anything hurt?

HIM

No.

ME

Did they give you medicine for the pain? Is that why?

HIM

Yeah.

ME

Have you been sleeping a lot because of that?

HIM

Yeah.

ME

Good because that's your FAVORITE THING!

HIM

(Laughs.)

ME

You know, I'm SO glad you had this done now and that it went so well. Because now it's done and out of the way, and from now on you can do whatever you want! It's all over!

HIM

Yeah and you know what else? I also got fifty five dollars and a big tray of candy!!!

Yeah. He's fine :)

Semantics

A real conversation

Anesthesiologist

Ok, we're going to start giving you drugs now to help put you to sleep.

12 Year Old Boy

No! You can't give me drugs! My mother would kill me! Drugs are illegal!

Bag Of Youth

ME

(Looking at green bags that are supposed to prolong the life of your produce and keep it from spoiling as quickly.)

I wonder if these really work?

SALESPERSON

They do! I use them and I have a tomato in one that's over a month old and it still looks brand new!

ME

Ok then... I won't be going to your house for dinner!

("Guess what everybody! All that food we're eating? It's over a YEAR OLD!")

* Note: Joe achieved this without a special bag! I think there may just be a strain of mutant tomatoes.

SMIL!

You know what really made me smile about this card?
-It's backwards (Or Jewish.)


Outside



Inside

For anyone who needed a smil smile today,
I'm sharing this with you.

* Thank you S.

No Thanks, I'll Walk

I've passed this sign for years and never thought anything of it.
The other day, it stopped me in my tracks.

Toilet Talk

I have a family member who has a phone installed in their bathroom. I'm not talking about a cordless phone that they bring into the bathroom from time to time. I'm talking about a corded phone that they installed right there, next to the toilet, screwed into the wall. -Wires running to it and everything.

I think this gives me carte blanche to talk to them while I'm in the bathroom without feeling any shame or guilt whatsoever. I'm supposed to be worried about talking in the bathroom to the person who has a phone installed in theirs?

I'm quite clear about this too. I tell them "I'm about to go to the bathroom while we're talking and I'm not the least bit embarrassed because you have a phone installed in yours!"

There's only one other person I'll do this with, and that's a friend who once had a vomiting extravaganza while we were on the phone together. And let me tell you, hearing somebody vomit into a toilet, over the phone, is far worse than any other bathroom sounds one might hear. She was sick, she was stressed, and she brought me (via phone) into the bathroom with her while she threw up, and I continued to listen to her, and talk to her for over an hour, all the while trying to ascertain whether or not she'd passed out yet and a call to 911 or a family member was in order.

As a result, I also have absolutely no problem saying to her "I'm going into the bathroom right now, and you're coming with me, and don't even start with me because you once spent over an hour puking on the phone with me!"

Everybody else in the world, is safe. ...Except companies that put me on hold for long periods of time. There has been a time or two when I had to cover the speaker, flush the toilet, and run out of the bathroom before they could hear.

BUT everybody ELSE in the world is safe from conversations with me in the bathroom. Really!

No really!

What?!

Knork

I was having a conversation with a friend through instant messaging, when my food delivery arrived. Not to be deterred, I continued to type to him with one hand while I ate my dinner with the other. And then a thought popped into my head.

ME

I have a question. How the heck do you eat and type at the same time?

HIM

I make a mess :)

My friend has one arm, and while I could completely understand typing with one hand, typing with one hand while eating at the same time was difficult for me to imagine. But there's a solution for everything -he makes a mess!

Then he said:

HIM

-And I never use a fork when I'm on the computer.

ME

You don't use a fork when you're on the computer? I'd think that would make it easier to do both?

HIM

I balance the laptop on my lap and if it starts to fall, I could put my fork through the screen.

ME

That would be bad.

So then the conversation moved to cutlery, and that's when he mentioned that he used to own a combination fork and knife. I originally pictured a handle with a knife on one end and a fork on the other, and thought that was a really clever invention, but then he said it was a knife blade on the side of a fork. He wasn't sure if these were still made so I looked it up while we were chatting, and it is. It's a combination knife and fork and it's called a knork. -Not to be confused with the spork (combination spoon and fork) which I'd heard of.

It's a pretty cool idea. I may have to get a set of knorks for myself. As a matter of fact, that may be this year's Christmas present to everybody. Think of all the cleanup it could save.

In My Email

I normally delete these without reading, but for some reason I read this one.

Subject: Important WARNING!!!

My friend sent me this message this morning, just a little too late:

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, and I have even done it myself a couple times, unintentionally... but this one is real, and it is important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list.

If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and ask you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT !!!!

THIS IS A SCAM!!! They only want to see you naked.

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid.

Wallet: ☑ Keys: ☑ Blog: ☐

Do you ever have a bunch of things to do where you're running around, and trying to cover all your bases so people don't worry, but because you're running around with a bunch of things to do, you don't really do that very well? -That's where I am right now! ;)

And it also doesn't help that I'm still trying to find that balance between blogging and keeping certain things private about my friends, family, or self -which unfortunately results in the occasional post that sounds like I'm working with the CIA! It's not intentional. I promise.

Thank you all for your reassurances and replies to Thursday's post. I will be offline for a while but I'll do my best to keep posts coming through here as regularly as possible. If you notice anybody leaving a comment who seems to genuinely expect a reply, -You know... something like "Melissa! Email me!" or "HEY! Why didn't you reply to my comment?!" or "I need a kidney!" please let them know I'm away.

Feel free to raid the fridge, watch tv, and play with the remote controlled a/c. (Do they make a universal remote for that yet? TV/DVD/Stereo/Air Conditioner? No? Someone should get right on that.)

Foreshadowing

I may need to be off line for a while. I may be able to email in posts, or pre-schedule a bunch in advance (more likely), but just not be able to read or reply to comments for a while. I know lots of bloggers don't reply to comments, but I do. It would be weird not doing that. Or having this all be a "one way" conversation blog and not "two way." I don't feel bad when other bloggers don't reply to their commenters but it would feel strange to me not doing that here.

I guess I wanted to let you all know in advance so that if/when this happens, it doesn't seem to come out of nowhere. Hopefully I can find a way to make this work so that posts still come through here somewhat regularly and it doesn't seem like I've fallen off the face of the earth!

I considered working out something like pre-scheduling a bunch of posts and hoping nobody would notice! But then if somebody did notice and emailed or commented and I didn't reply, then all hell might break loose, planets would collide and I really can't handle being responsible for any kind of interplanetary mass destruction right now!

Just giving you all a possible "heads up." I'm still working on this...

Tip: When Blogger "Eats" Your Post Or Comment

I left this tip for someone in their comments today and thought I'd post it here as well.

The next time Blogger gives you an error message when you're trying to make a post or comment, (and you think all your brilliant thoughts, insights, and hours of work have been lost!) right click on the page and select "back." (Mac users, hold down the cntrl key while you click the page, and select "back.") Your words will often still be there in the form. Copy and paste them somewhere while you attempt to publish again just in case Blogger is still misbehaving.

This should work with similar "form submitting" errors on other websites too, including forums, shopping carts, etc.

Just Visiting

What's better than a kitten that fits in the palm of your hand?

TWO kittens that fit in the palm of your hand!
(That's one hand!)

My friend is bottle feeding these two for a shelter near her and since they have to be fed every two hours she brought them with her when she came to visit.

Just to give you a sense of scale:

Yes, that's me.

I hope these two are ok. I poked and prodded them a little -as I do when anyone hands me an animal or a baby- (I check them all over. Ears, toes, tummy, everything.) and as often happens when I look over an animal, I found a few issues which will hopefully be addressed by a vet today.

They're soooo tiny.

This one only opened its eyes 2 days ago:

I know... it looks like a drowned rat. That's partially my fault. They were pooping on each other's heads so I decided a bath was in order.

A few more pictures:

My thumb moved during this picture (you can see the blur.)
He doesn't really have a flat head!

Anybody want a kitten?

What's Wrong With This Picture?

I'll give you a hint. It's DIRECTLY below my window.

Nobody?

Ok. What if I told you that wasn't a blurry picture?

No?

Ok, what about these pictures?





Getting a better idea?

How about this:

311

311 operator, how can I help you?

ME

Is fireworks a 311 or a 911 call?

311

That would be 911 but I can connect you.

ME

Thank you.

[Moments later]

911

911 operator, where's the emergency?

[Information between myself and the 311 and 911 operators is exchanged.]

ME

I actually don't mind fireworks, but now the smoke smell is getting really bad and coming into the building.

911

Can you see who's setting off the fireworks?

ME

Not really. Hold on.
(pause)
I can see some people but... oh... actually, I think there's smoke.
(pause)
Yeah. There's a lot of smoke.
(pause)
Yeah, my building's on fire.

911

Hold on I'm connecting you to the fire department.

ME

Thank you.

VOICE IN MY HALLWAY

THE BUILDING'S ON FIRE! THE BUILDING'S ON FIRE!

FIRE DEPARTMENT

Fire Department, where's the fire.

ME

[My street address]. It's outside the building. It looks like the garbages were set on fire by fireworks. There are some people outside, regular people, trying to put it out with a hose.

FIRE DEPARTMENT

I didn't hear all of that.

ME

Thats because of the FIREWORKS that are still going off!

I have to say, the neighbors across the street get some credit for pulling out their building's hose (seen towards the left in the pictures) and putting out the bulk of the fire -even if they're the ones most likely to have started it. The fire truck was here for an additional 20 minutes or so finishing off the job.

The real beauty of this? They're still setting off fireworks outside.

If A Tree Falls Toilet Overflows

If a toilet overflows on the 6th floor, and nobody's home, does the water still flow down through the ceilings and pipes onto the floors of every single bathroom below it?

Yes. Yes it does.

You Say Tomato...

I emailed my dad a link to the video in yesterday's post, and mistakenly said it was a video of "the salt trick." He wrote back:

...the video is of the fork trick, not the salt trick. After all these years, you'd think you'd know one from the other!!!

-The man has a point ;)

Fun At Parties Restaurants

My father has two tricks he must do at every restaurant we visit. Every restaurant, every time.

The first is his salt shaker balancing trick.

Normally we blow away the salt at the bottom.
Theoretically, the shaker is only balancing on one grain of salt.

The second trick he must always do, is the more impressive (in my opinion) "two-forks-wedged-together-with-a-toothpick" balancing trick.

The setup:

The moment of truth:

A closer look
(with rollovers)
(If the rollovers in the photo don't work, click here.)

Chicken Butt Lamp

This was my view during lunch.

I Talk To Bugs

My friends find these conversations amusing and have suggested that I record them and sell them on ebay. But really, all I'm ever trying to do is explain to the bugs that I'm not trying to hurt them, and that they should stop running away and making things difficult, because the only thing I'm trying to do is take them to a window so they can go back outside.

Most don't seem to believe me and lead me on a 15 minute (or more) goose bug chase.

Today a little one crawled onto my hand. Then fell onto my desk. Then we I talked as I scooped him into my other hand, which it let me do. Then we very calmly walked to a window and as soon as I put my hand outside it flew away. -I didn't even know it had wings.

It was so easy. I wish all of them were like that.

Victorian Gardens

For a few months during the summer, Wollman Rink, in Central Park, is transformed into the Victorian Gardens,

an amusement park that's fun for the whole family. -As long as the whole family is under five. Seriously. They're all toddler rides! Except for one or two. But that didn't stop us from having a good time. We went on the big slide, played a couple of games,

I won this for my sister in whack-a-mole.
(I love whack-a-mole!)

and as we left, my father, sister, and I all got our hands stamped (in case we returned) with this highly technical, impossible to duplicate, artwork.

We are the X-Men.